Faith that Tests
I haven’t written any posts in over a week. Because I lost one of my very close friends to cancer a day before Christmas. The funeral was on Christmas Eve, Sunday.
The experience has been devastating to say the least. Doctors had told us as well as her, that there were only a few weeks left. So, I used to spend a few hours every day at the hospital but that Saturday, I was there by her bedside since 8 in the morning till 11 at night. Around 5pm I asked her if I could leave to return the next morning, she insisted that I stay another few minutes, then again around 8pm I tried to leave but she asked for ‘just 5 more minutes’ and I stayed until 11pm. I left when she seemed exhausted and fell asleep, after waving goodbyes to us – family members and friends. She was happy, giving high-fives and laughing at our jokes, with all her faculties working, remembering old times, sometimes filling in the details herself. We were so hopeful that day.
Our families have been close friends, so my family was there at the hospital too. At midnight, my parents did not want me to go home alone, so asked to come and stay at their place which is closer to the hospital, whereas I live about an hours driving distance from the hospital. I went with them but was restless the whole time, and despite their requests to sleep over, drove back to my place at little after 3 in the morning. I couldn’t wake up until after noon on Sunday and when I did, I just hung around and watched some TV for a while before heading for shower. By the time I got to the hospital on Sunday, she had already left this world! Needless to say I was shocked and angry at whoever it is that takes our loved ones away from us, whenever he so wishes.
My friend had been diagnosed with cervical cancer early last year and underwent 13+ hours of surgery. She had what is termed as 3rd stage cancer, meaning the cancer had started to spread to other organs in her body. Even the most aggressive treatment for these two years could not save her. And all of us are left with millions of questions but no answers. I wonder why is it so difficult to understand what God wants? Don’t you think he or she is cruel sometimes? It does not make sense to me to take away someone so young, during holidays when the entire world is happy, make a few selective people so unhappy?
I sometimes wonder why we humans are so dense and thick headed as to continue to fight with each other and want to kill those that do not believe in the same God as we do! It sounds so stupid to me, because I feel if there is a God, he definitely will take us and our loved ones whenever he wants, regardless of what our darn faith is. So the least we can do is spend whatever time he has given us, in peace and harmony!
At first, I thought of not sharing this sad event in the blog here as it does not fit with what I write about and also because I was afraid of ruining everyone’s mood amidst celebrations. But all of my adult life I have also struggled with the “keeping up appearances” concept that I was brought up with, so to ignore what happened and after about a week’s absence start blogging about social media or self improvement, just didn’t seem right.
And you know I am an avid reader of problogger and after reading Darren’s post on Seth Godin’s response to his one question interviews – improving your blog by showing up - today I felt I had to show up here on my blog, to not just to improve the blog, but for you – because I wanted to tell you all to try to make the best of whatever it is you are going through; and for me – because it feels better to write what I feel and share it with you; and for this blog to continue to exist.
May you all have a very happy, joyous, successful, peaceful, prosperous and healthy 2008 and beyond!
Technorati Tags: faith, death, life
((hugs)) dear Pearl
what a sad Christmas for you … and your questions and thoughts are very valid…
I don’t know of any one who has not been touched by cancer….and it is a devastating way to see those you love leave this world….and when they are young it just somes so much more painful ….
My Mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in the early stage a few years ago and we were felt very blessed that she came through her operation… our Dad had passed away the year before after a long battle with the disease…..
you are very right ….we should cherish those close to us every moment…as one never ever knows…
all my blessings to you for a happy and peaceful New Year Pearl :=X
Oh, Pearl how awful to lose such a close family friend. I was wondering where you had been actually so I’m very sorry to hear this news. But I must say you did right in posting about it. It would not have done her justice to just go back to regular posting as if this event had not had such a deep impact as it did on you. That would have just been false and life is too short to live that way and have regrets. I’m so glad your friend had you to spend time with. She was very fortunate. That’s about all I can say right now as this subject is too close to home for me. My thoughts are with you and her loved ones at this time. Hugs to you.
*hugs*
Tough questions indeed.
Questions I balieve only you can answer.
I never have the right words to say at these times.
Just know you have many friends who care about you and share your grief.
You represented your friend well. I think she would be proud of you.
Pearl,
Sorry to hear about your loss.
@Kim: I hadn’t known you mum had the operation too! So glad she is doing fine now… no matter what age it hits, is just devastating ‘coz lot of the times its not even detectable! My friend kept getting diagnosed as having flue like illness and by the time they did the ultrasounds etc, it was starting to spread elsewhere…. Im really sorry to hear your dad had it too.. heartbreaking! thanks for the wishes Kim, I spent the entire day today at their house today again – her mom is pretty shaken up! I hope time heals it a bit for them! You have a great New Year as well Kim… (HUGS)
@teeni: thanks for the kind words. yes, I am also glad I was able to spend the entire day with her and we talked quite a bit.. laughed too…. I was able to spoon feed her as well…. I just wish there was a bit more time, since the doctors had been saying a few more days…. She had a glow on her face all day on Saturday that we became hopeful. The doctors and nurses were telling us that its the most amazing thing they see over and over when people become overly joyed just before dying, and that some people even start singing! teeni, I am so sorry for your experience too…..
@pelf: thank you so much Pelf! hugs back to you!
thank you so much ad tracker! you are very kind! its weird, but I felt some sort of relief talking about her here… I’m proud of and grateful for the caring friends I have made via blogging…. thanks again!
hope you have a wonderful New Year!
@Steven: thank you so much! I appreciate it very much!
Dear Pearl, so sorry to hear about your loss. Glad you found some comfort in writing and blogging, and that you didn’t “keep up the appearance” and shared this story with us. Wishing you all the strength in the world and health to you, your family and friends. Have a Healthy New year!
Hey Vivien: so nice of you to stop by here to comment! thank you! I am glad I wrote it too, felt I owed an explanation for being away. I am trying very hard to shift my focus ‘coz I have to go back to work on Wednesday….
Wishing you and your family have a very happy and wonderful 2008 and beyond too! take care
PS: I’ll be emailing you soon about the project!
I am so glad you shared this with us Pearl. I have been thinking about you ever since you left a note about this on twitter. Life is hard and we don’t have the answers. But like you I wonder why all fight so much with each other given that our time here on earth is so short indeed. My thoughts are with you. here’s a hug {{pearl}}
Aruni – I was still numb from the news when I left that little note on twitter, as if I was trying to get the answers from someone, somewhere! It was a confused state of mind! and still in denial because amidst crying and devastation I felt, I was stumbling articles, trying to pretend in my mind nothing had happened…. thank you so much for the support… Im still getting the feel for twitter and when no one responds, it kinda feels lonely there… so im not really sure how to use it still! (hugs back)
Hi Pearl – twitter is a different ‘animal’ as they say. So far to me it seems as if you just put little things out there. send @ replies to people. connect, etc. Because of participating in the http://www.frozenpeafund.com challenge where I donated I now have 190 followers on twitter. I’ve been downright amazed at the speed of how it happened. I’ll be doing a post on that hopefully this week sometime.
wow.. thats awesome! I read Susan came out of surgery okay, I was so relieved to know that… Its a just cause to do something for… I get involved in the walks in various cities in my state but joining the online community is great too I think… good for you for so many followers! you are famous it seems :)
Pearl… *hugs* I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I think you’re right though, that people should try to live in peace and cherish every moment. It shouldn’t matter to us what OTHER people believe in, because things will happen regardless. Everyone has a right to think what they want to think, so instead of fighting that, we should all try to get along. I know it must’ve been hard, but thanks for writing this.
thank you so much for stopping by Tay! *hugs back* It was difficult and hard to say out loud my friend “passed away” – but even after attending the funeral, writing it made it more real! its weird!
Sorry that happened, I have lost friends from cancer too so I know how you feel.I have one that has it now :(
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Good to see that you are strong and blogging about it instead of just “keeping with appearances”.
Let there be peace and harmony in this world in year 2008 and forever!
thank betshopboy! I appreciate your kind words…
I’m really sorry for your loss Pearl. It’s always hard to watch as someone is taken from us by cancer. I’m sorry I didn’t read this sooner.
You have my deepest sympathies.
Dear Pearl
You still manage to be so eloquent, despite your grief, I’m sure your friend would be proud of how you speak of her. You even found time to comfort me through my problems which in comparison are trivial.
All I can say is thank you. And send you my love and support.
Diane
I am so sorry to hear your news, Pearl, but glad that you shared it on here, off topic or not. You have more than just a blog here, you have a group of friends who you can turn to for support and who are interested in you and your welfare as well as the blog.
[...] project is to write something about Compassion, a character trait that I saw a lot of recently when my very close friend passed away. Second, because compassion is a trait that I am very passionate about and I feel [...]
@Mike: hey, don’t be sorry … I know everyone was busy with holidays…. but thanks, I really appreciate it! tc
@Diane: thank you so much for the kind words. Stay well and happy! tc and stay in touch!
@Sueblimely: you are so kind .. I feel connected to you guys, thats the reason I felt like talking about it and I am so fortunate to have your support.. tc
Any time is a hard time to lose a close friend or family member. Being at Christmas time when we should be happy and in the Christmas spirit seems to make it worse. I know how you feel. Two years ago, just after midnight, so it was technically on the morning of December 1, one of my best friends died suddenly of a heart attack. She was revived on the way to the hospital. She had a second and fatal attack after arriving at the hospital. This Christmas, I did some more grieving for the loss of my friend. Her birthday is also in December, just a few days after Christmas. Rely upon the love and support of your family and friends to get through this difficult time. Forget about being stoic. Lean on your loved ones to help you get through this. Hugs from someone who doesn’t know you but knows how you feel.
I’m sorry to hear about your friend Patricia! Things never get back to as they were after such events as we all know, but life has to go on, we all have to still fulfill our obligations; I had to go back to work and try to concentrate on projects … such is life!
I thank you for stopping to share your feelings – take care and stay in touch {Hugs back}
[...] feeling these days is, I am sure, a very common feeling and many of you might be able to relate to. Losing someone can do this to [...]
i’m so sorry to hear about this. and interesting, how your friend kep asking you to stay around …
and thanks for showing up. i honestly believe that THAT is one of the ways we can increase peace and harmony in this world.
isabella mori’s last blog post..blogapalooza, a thank you, and an invitation
Pearl, I’m so sorry. You honored your friend so beautifully with this post. Thank you for sharing. Whether you know it or not, I’m sure you made a difference for a lot of people with this post.
K Stone’s last blog post..Life Doesn’t Have to Be Miserable!
@isabella mori: I can’t get over that one either, it was as if she kept feeling we needed to spend more time and me working full time, I couldn’t spend as much time with her as I would have liked and its been one of the toughest thing to deal with… thank you so much for coming out here and giving moral support – it helped a lot!
K Stone – thank you for the kind words! Every one has been very supportive and thats really helped to keep me focused on my online friends..