I haven’t written any posts in over a week. Because I lost one of my very close friends to cancer a day before Christmas. The funeral was on Christmas Eve, Sunday.
The experience has been devastating to say the least. Doctors had told us as well as her, that there were only a few weeks left. So, I used to spend a few hours every day at the hospital but that Saturday, I was there by her bedside since 8 in the morning till 11 at night. Around 5pm I asked her if I could leave to return the next morning, she insisted that I stay another few minutes, then again around 8pm I tried to leave but she asked for ‘just 5 more minutes’ and I stayed until 11pm. I left when she seemed exhausted and fell asleep, after waving goodbyes to us – family members and friends. She was happy, giving high-fives and laughing at our jokes, with all her faculties working, remembering old times, sometimes filling in the details herself. We were so hopeful that day.
Our families have been close friends, so my family was there at the hospital too. At midnight, my parents did not want me to go home alone, so asked to come and stay at their place which is closer to the hospital, whereas I live about an hours driving distance from the hospital. I went with them but was restless the whole time, and despite their requests to sleep over, drove back to my place at little after 3 in the morning. I couldn’t wake up until after noon on Sunday and when I did, I just hung around and watched some TV for a while before heading for shower. By the time I got to the hospital on Sunday, she had already left this world! Needless to say I was shocked and angry at whoever it is that takes our loved ones away from us, whenever he so wishes.
My friend had been diagnosed with cervical cancer early last year and underwent 13+ hours of surgery. She had what is termed as 3rd stage cancer, meaning the cancer had started to spread to other organs in her body. Even the most aggressive treatment for these two years could not save her. And all of us are left with millions of questions but no answers. I wonder why is it so difficult to understand what God wants? Don’t you think he or she is cruel sometimes? It does not make sense to me to take away someone so young, during holidays when the entire world is happy, make a few selective people so unhappy?
I sometimes wonder why we humans are so dense and thick headed as to continue to fight with each other and want to kill those that do not believe in the same God as we do! It sounds so stupid to me, because I feel if there is a God, he definitely will take us and our loved ones whenever he wants, regardless of what our darn faith is. So the least we can do is spend whatever time he has given us, in peace and harmony!
At first, I thought of not sharing this sad event in the blog here as it does not fit with what I write about and also because I was afraid of ruining everyone’s mood amidst celebrations. But all of my adult life I have also struggled with the “keeping up appearances” concept that I was brought up with, so to ignore what happened and after about a week’s absence start blogging about social media or self improvement, just didn’t seem right.
And you know I am an avid reader of problogger and after reading Darren’s post on Seth Godin’s response to his one question interviews – improving your blog by showing up – today I felt I had to show up here on my blog, to not just to improve the blog, but for you – because I wanted to tell you all to try to make the best of whatever it is you are going through; and for me – because it feels better to write what I feel and share it with you; and for this blog to continue to exist.
May you all have a very happy, joyous, successful, peaceful, prosperous and healthy 2008 and beyond!
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