Are you an introvert or just shy?
This is the ongoing survey question over at The Mighty Introvert authored by Mark Dykeman.
At the time I saw the survey, 57 out of 67 people had already answered that they were Introverts! That is 85% – a huge majority. I am assuming that most of the people visiting Mark’s blog and answering this question might also be bloggers.
I used to think the term Introvert was more applicable to the offline, face-to-face interactions but recently, I’ve found myself struggling to participate in discussions on twitter and another network I am a member of. I felt the same feeling that you get when you first start blogging with no readers. Except, on twitter you already have people ‘following’ you. That I think contributes to an already shy person’s nervousness even more. Its almost like you are on a stage and people are watching you and waiting to hear the words coming out of your mouth. Like stage fright you know?
But I am trying to participate and learn the network. You could very well say I don’t need to try to get comfortable with the network if its making me feel this way, well, that’s the point.
Whereas I might consider myself an introvert at time, I am also very outgoing. I am shy at times and find it hard to participate, but I have a drive to learn and be better. So I keep trying. I think no one can be a 100 percent introvert.
So here are my questions.
What scenarios make you behave as an introvert? and why?
Are you an extrovert all the time? What advice would you give to those who are not extroverts?
Maybe I misunderstood but in my opinion – introverted means you spend a lot of time in your own head – that is definitely true in my case.
Shy, I always defined as being uncomfortable in social situations. I used to be very shy but learned I had to speak up for myself or get walked all over so now I’m pretty outgoing although sometimes I still have to force myself.
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it is a bit confusing to me too.. so may be people can be shy as well as introvert at the same time.. In my mind, theres a sort of negative connotation with the term introvert than with shy… I used to think I was introvert (I still spend a whole lot of time thinking) but then thought I was just shy, not introvert…. well, may be I am both LOL
Pearl, I think Teeni’s right, introvert has something to do with how we think, learn, the time we need to spend alone. Shyness is more like awkwardness in social situations.
I’m an introvert and shy, and the world of blogging is wonderful to me because it doesn’t make me feel shy. I can connect with people quietly in these little comment boxes, and make friends slowly but surely over time, which is what my introvert style prefers.
It took me ages to work out twitter, until someone suggested I just sit and listen until I notice a conversation or a question where I could add something of value, or someone I ‘knew’ that I could connect with.
If you try and think of interesting (and extrovert) things to say all the time you’ll go crazy. But I think there’s room for us introverts there too.
Joanna
I don’t know.
I’m not shy. I’m not afraid to make my opinions known, online or in real life. I never feel intimidated by anyone.
But on the other hand, I will sometimes keep my mouth firmly shut when around obviously stupid people. If they are spouting disgusting junk (racist, homophobic) I’ll say something, but I’ll keep it short and am not interested in getting into an argument with them.
And I’m not generally interested in “social” events (again, on-line or otherwise). If there will be bright, interesting people, that’s one thing, but when the opposite is more likely, I’ll stay away.. so I suppose that’s a form of introversion.
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It really depends on what the definitions are for introvert and extrovert. We could be moving between these two ranges at different situations.
For example, I am extrovert while i am out with friends. I like meeting new people, and have no problems in initiating conversations with people I don’t know. (Which comes to your other question. I was not like this before, but had to step out of my comfort zone. Once we do this, our comfort zone widens and initiating conversation with strangers is no longer scary). However, whenever I am deep in my work at home, I am guilty of ignoring people around me, making me very introverted.
Hi Joanna – I thought about the title of this post and then read what I had written – and thought I was perhaps not thinking clearly yesterday [had too much novacaine for the root canal perhaps :)] but I am starting to see what you mean by the two terms –
And I think it is even tougher for someone who is introvert AND shy to make a point and make it at the right time.. I continuously struggle with ‘getting in’ the conversations and sometimes I keep thinking and the people have moved on to the next subject :) and that is frustrating…
I’m gonna keep at twitter though ‘coz even if I don’t add anything useful, I feel the need to check it out just know what people are talking about.. and that is sound advice to just ‘listen’ whats going on there…
thanks for the support Joanna … I have the same situation you describe, blogging has allowed me to express what I might not otherwise be able to say (or say at the right time)..
pearl’s last blog post..Are you an introvert or just shy?
Tony – you are a wise one :)
I don’t know, I wouldn’t call it introvert behavior if you ‘choose’ to stay away from un-intelligent, junky discussions.
I also do not get involved in arguments but its the other situations when I DO feel I might have a valid point and something useful to add, instead of just saying it, I’d weigh it and think about it before blurting something that others may not find useful! guess thinking too much about what others might think of what I said? I’m not sure but it does get frustrating at times…
Hi David.. thats interesting that out with friends you are extrovert but at home you could be an introvert
I am fine initiating conversations one on one – but its different if I am in a gathering where I didn’t know anyone.. I’d probably be standing in a corner and would be finding my way out as quick as possible :) And this also goes in an online setting where many people might be discussing something! and Twitter feels one of such places..
I also consider myself an introvert and shy also.. I’m confused!
Shy, I find hard time to get myself into a conversation and all I want to is to just keep in silence and listen. It’s just that I’m not comfortable with them.
I am the sporty type who loves sports and outdoor adventures. But when it comes to human interactions I prefer less talk and more actions. I’m not the kind that can liven up a party or enjoy the limelight, or even chat up a girl.
However, when I’m online, I don’t find it uncomfortable sharing my thoughts through my writings and my comments.
So am I introvert or just plain shy? I’m not quite sure myself.
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@Phil – its interesting to me that so many of us consider ourselves introverts. I do feel this impedes a lot of what otherwise I’d like accomplish….
you know what though? being shy and introvert might just be the reason that I listen well I think… so not all that bad I guess :)
hey Betshopboy – thats what I was trying to figure out too… but I guess there are upsides to having these traits too… I am comfortable with most of it though as I am not chatty and don’t do well with people who won’t stop talking or talk loud…. I need to have quietness and alone time to recuperate .. my only issue is with groups and gatherings where I find it hard to be myself…
Hi Pearl, thank you for linking to my blog!
Shyness and introversion are two different things, although both traits can exist in the same person.
Shyness has more to do with anxiety and a lack of self-confidence. Extroverts can suffer (greatly) from shyness because it’s a barrier to being able to interact with other people.
Introverts are comfortable in their own company and, while they can perform like an extrovert in the right conditions, they need time on their own to think and assimilate feelings and experiences. Being around other people can drain the energy from an introvert.
I don’t think that feeling shy or insecure means that you are an introvert. I think that the need for “alone time” and fatigue in social situations are a better indicator of introversion.
Mark Dykeman’s last blog post..Social media – moving beyond your weaknesses and limitations
I am generally shy when i am around new people but sometimes i prefer my own company so that means i am introvert too.
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@Mark – hmm I”ll have to analyze ‘me’ according to these definitions then! I don’t think I am shy then – but definitely an introvert – although for some reason I feel the term ’shy’ should be more acceptable than ‘introvert’.
I feel some psychologist came up with these definitions and we all just ran with them instead of analyzing these terms and figure out the behavior ourselves!
hello Madhur – welcome! I don’t have a problem dealing with ‘new’ people, just when I am in groups! I am getting more and more comfortable on twitter though.. but still when someone doesn’t respond back, i start questioning if I annoyed them :) But Maki was good about calling them snobs ;)
glad you came out and commented here… hope you visit again…
A lot of people actually tend to think that being an introverted is the same as being shy. You can be introverted without necessarily being shy in front of other people or of the camera. You just don’t feel like sharing yourself with other people. And extroverts can sometimes switch to being introverts as well! We’re all just really complicated individuals, I guess!
I think you are absolutely right Jen! Its difficult to generalize ‘coz we can even surprise ourselves sometimes acting differently in new situations! complicated is the word :) thanks for coming by!
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What scenarios make you behave as an introvert? and why?
I think I act like an introvert where there are people that I’m not overly familiar with, or am intimidated by.
Are you an extrovert all the time? What advice would you give to those who are not extroverts?
I’m an extrovert when I’m comfortable around people, or when I’m feeling great. It’s awesome when that happens.
I think I’m an introvert. I can be outgoing when I’m around people I’m comfortable with and I can be shy around people I don’t know.